Big boned gal

I wanted to be skinny I wanted to be a size 3.

I looked around and thought everyone was skinner than me.

Heck this is not a poem, this is a declaration!

Big boned was a polite term people used for fat. "Oh, she is big boned. She is a chunky girl."

The reality is I am big boned. I have heavy thick bones, large shoulders and thighs.

I have big breasts, large fingers and wide feet. I am not a petite girl at all.

I came to accept me when I came of age.

40 was the beginning of the real me.

I love my body, I love my hour glass shape.

I wanted toned arms, like Michelle Obama.

Strong muscular thighs like the tennis player, Serena Willams.

I am not delicate, I am dangerous.

I am not wimpy, I am  a beast.

Watch  out world, I am coming with a calculated vengeance.

The glass

Looking at you through  a glass

I put my hand against the glass to touch you

You put your hand up to meet mine and I felt your warmth.

But the reality is there is a glass between us, that separates us.

My heart was full, my love was overflowing for you.

You whispered your sentiments to me.

I pressed my ear against to hear you and I could catch the soft sounds of your emotions.

Yet, the reality is there is a glass between us, that separates us.

In frustration, you slammed your fist against the glass to break it.

In desperation, I looked around me to find something to crack it.

In sadness, we realised we couldn't remove the glass.

And, the reality is there is a glass between us, that separates us.

You wrote a note and put the note on the glass so I could see. The note said:

I love you deeply and with my heart and soul.

Though this glass is between us now, it is temporary.

I will spend my life finding ways to break this glass that separates us.

I wrote a note in reply, and I said :

My heart and soul are with you.

And yes, this glass is temporary because I can see in the corner a small crack.

I will spend my life, chipping away at this glass that separates us.

So the two who loved from their souls, who believed in their love, who trusted their emotions, committed to each other and committed to breaking what separated them from each other.

The question is, what does the glass represent?

Rasheeda

August 10, 2016

Delicate and fragile

Delicate and fragile is this love.

Woven from prayers in the depth of the night

Moulded by doubts and fears

Crafted from circumstance

Unexpected in nature

Even though it is delicate, it can be made durable.

This love's strength is based on our willingness.

This love's growth is pushed by our energies.

This love's stability is continued by our sacrifices.

This love is precious like a budding flower.

It can live if we nurture it together.

Rasheeda

August 11, 2016

The fall

It takes courage to jump.

One needs to be brave.

When someone tells you there is beauty and peace at the bottom of the rocks, how can you believe?

All our lives we are cautious.

Scared if we step forward, we will cut ourselves.

Frightened to be hurt

Fearful of the bruises that come with the leap

You took my hand and I held it and you asked me to jump.

You said you would jump also into the depth of the unknown.

So, I took a deep breath and fell forward with you beside me.

There was a rush at first as my lungs filled with air.

As we plunged forward, the fall felt faster, but eventually I felt calm.

You ask me to fall; I will fall with you.

You ask me to jump; I will jump with you.

You ask me to leap; I will leap with you.

But know this, my love; I only want to do this with you.

Rasheeda

August 16, 2016

Falling stars

Falling stars
I am watching the stars fall out of the sky.
One by one their lights are dimming.
Then in a second, the night seems darker.
The velvet blanket sprinkled with tiny lights is blacker.

Behind your eyes are shadows as you see each star  extinguish.
What are you thinking right now?
What do you feel?
You are clawing around in the darkness searching for the fallen stars.
But when you touch them, they crumble into dust in your fingers.
Hopelessly I try to pick up the stars with you and piece them together.
Hoping if I can patch them together, we gain back the starry lights.

But there are less lights in the sky, my love.
And with each lost star there is equal lost hope.
So, you and I will continue my dearest to wander through the darkness together catching the falling stars .

SRGB aka R bG
December 8, 2013

A definition of cruelty

A definition of cruelty

The sound of the clock ticking in the background
The hum of the air conditioner, the whisk of the fan
Then the silence
I sat up combing through the internet, reading news stories and current events
Hoping I would see my email alert pop up on the screen
Disturbing my distraction of Google and Yahoo
I waited
Then the waiting continued
After days I casually checked again, to see if any new emails came
Some ads,  a few stories, friends checking in
Then there was nothing
Again the silence
Weeks rolled forward, busy with work and life, reading, writing, talking, sleeping and unconsciously hoping but I was met with
The silence
Months came and left, I was angry, hurt and then forgot for a long time or at least I thought I did.
Still waiting but less anticipation for a break in
The silence

Over my thin skin I developed the semblance of a thick skin
That it doesn't matter
That it doesn't hurt at all
This deafening silence that you throw at me like a spear
That pierces me deep and keeps digging into my emotional flesh

I would rather your screams of hate or disdain towards me then this blatant purposeful silence
A definition of cruelty or a plan of survival is to know your enemy
To know to never give your enemy what  they want or expect, give them what they deserve.
The worst form of punishment tailored made for them.
In my case, as your appointed enemy, my punishment is the silence .
What is funny in all of this, even though I know my punishment, it still hurts like the first time you did it.

SRGB aka RbG
December 7, 2013

My master's

Well,

After 5 painstaking years of working and studying I completed my master's!!!!


I am so happy, not overly happy but satisfied, that all the sacrifice has its reward.

Alhamduillah rabbi Alameen