Falling stars

Falling stars
I am watching the stars fall out of the sky.
One by one their lights are dimming.
Then in a second, the night seems darker.
The velvet blanket sprinkled with tiny lights is blacker.

Behind your eyes are shadows as you see each star  extinguish.
What are you thinking right now?
What do you feel?
You are clawing around in the darkness searching for the fallen stars.
But when you touch them, they crumble into dust in your fingers.
Hopelessly I try to pick up the stars with you and piece them together.
Hoping if I can patch them together, we gain back the starry lights.

But there are less lights in the sky, my love.
And with each lost star there is equal lost hope.
So, you and I will continue my dearest to wander through the darkness together catching the falling stars .

SRGB aka R bG
December 8, 2013

A definition of cruelty

A definition of cruelty

The sound of the clock ticking in the background
The hum of the air conditioner, the whisk of the fan
Then the silence
I sat up combing through the internet, reading news stories and current events
Hoping I would see my email alert pop up on the screen
Disturbing my distraction of Google and Yahoo
I waited
Then the waiting continued
After days I casually checked again, to see if any new emails came
Some ads,  a few stories, friends checking in
Then there was nothing
Again the silence
Weeks rolled forward, busy with work and life, reading, writing, talking, sleeping and unconsciously hoping but I was met with
The silence
Months came and left, I was angry, hurt and then forgot for a long time or at least I thought I did.
Still waiting but less anticipation for a break in
The silence

Over my thin skin I developed the semblance of a thick skin
That it doesn't matter
That it doesn't hurt at all
This deafening silence that you throw at me like a spear
That pierces me deep and keeps digging into my emotional flesh

I would rather your screams of hate or disdain towards me then this blatant purposeful silence
A definition of cruelty or a plan of survival is to know your enemy
To know to never give your enemy what  they want or expect, give them what they deserve.
The worst form of punishment tailored made for them.
In my case, as your appointed enemy, my punishment is the silence .
What is funny in all of this, even though I know my punishment, it still hurts like the first time you did it.

SRGB aka RbG
December 7, 2013

My master's

Well,

After 5 painstaking years of working and studying I completed my master's!!!!


I am so happy, not overly happy but satisfied, that all the sacrifice has its reward.

Alhamduillah rabbi Alameen

Pre Enlightenment

Wow, where do I start? No one wants to hear about the cute little things of the past,  pre enlightenment I was doing the regular thing, living in Canada, being a dutiful daughter, ( trying to be a closet rebel).

Singing, attending, being a part of the institution and the culture....let me pause, it is more about the culture than anything else.
I was in the middle of all of it, living the "experience"and then at the end of the 20th century everything changed.

Sorry if I sound cryptic but when you blog publicly, you have to be a bit cryptic and vague.

I had a plan to move to England, to study opera and to start a new chapter in my life.  I  was ready for something new, a change, a break from my routine.

Yet it changed, the change happened when I met a person who forced me to look introspectively at my beliefs and ideals.

I didn't like it to be honest, I didn't like the feeling of questioning myself. I spent years establishing my life habit, School, Work, family, church and so on.

And then 3 coins opened my mind, the 3 coins represented everything I believe in, what I stood up for, what I promoted and what I expected everyone should also follow.

Only the change of the alignment of the coins opened my eyes, and I was confused.

This person peeked my curiosity, I started to dig deeper to find out why he believed what he believed, and why I couldn't convince him that his beliefs, his worldview were terribly wrong.

So I dug

I dug in the holes I am familiar with to prove to him that  I am right and he was wrong.

Yet as I dug, I became more confused, I kept digging and I met people who confirmed what he believed.

I dug silently in the depth of the night where no one could challenge or confuse me, I took the reference book I knew and search for truth.

The day,  I asked The Creator to show me truth is the day I opened my eyes. This was the beginning of the enlightenment.

July 2000 I decided to make the drastic change to leave what I knew and understood for a world of unfamiliarity.

When I took the shahadah and proclaimed the change, tears swelled up in my eyes.

The question was asked, " Why are you crying?"
My response was, " Because I know after today, my life will be a living hell."

The bedouin

The bedouin

He is from the desert

Skin the colour of fresh blown sand

Dark eyes, filled with hope

He is part of the earth

The earth that shifts and moves

He is strong; he rides proudly on the back of his camel.

His long tresses, flowing under his scarf

What wonder connects a man to his origin?

What miracle makes a man grounded to his beginnings?

He is from the desert

Standing amongst the dunes, contemplating

Our stan...

How many times can you take?

A thousand times you break

How many countries tried to enslave us?

How many nations want to conquer us?

Our lands bleed from the abuse.

Our people mourn from the destruction.

A land of rugged beauty still unspoiled by the harsh reality.

A people so diverse torn by the brutality.

When will you leave us to govern and grow?

Because what we have no one can know.

Oil or gold are not as valuable as our land, our piece of earth that Allah bestowed to us.

We will die fighting because this is our stan, our country, our people, our blood, our tears, our heartache…

As many of you come, you will all fall

and through the dust we will rise.

June 3, 2013

We don't need your sympathy

We  don’t need your sympathy.

We need you duas more than anything.

We need your well wishes

We need your belief that Allah can do everything.

Don’t feel sad for us.

Feel strength for us.

Feel hope for us.

Feel possibility for us.

We want your spiritual hugs.

We want your devoted words.

We want to know our names are on your lips when your hands are cupped and your heart and eyes looks upwards.

Please pray for us because all we have now is our duas

Us and them

Us and them

What disgrace and shame did I feel?

What despair fell upon me?

When our Rasul and his Sahabah were oppressed by their families, neighbours and friends…

When their proclamation  of the deen produced swords and spears piercing their bodies and stones hurled in their faces…

When they were tortured, abandoned and ostracized for their beliefs?

Yet what about today?

With Arab Idol, bars and discos

With people named Mohammed who convert to Christianity , with women named Aisha or Fatima who don’t pray because they are shopping.

For the Muslims who can’t fast in Ramadhan and pray on Jumah only?

Was their sacrifice in vain?

Was our prophet, our rasul crying for the Ummah for these reasons?

A Ummah of millions and yet no unity?

Sometimes we can barely say  Salaam alaikum to our fellow muslims because our lives are so busy.

In the dunniyah? We are busy? We forgot that this is temporary?

And we are created to worship Allah only?

This dunniyah is a testing ground not our fantasy?

We enjoy the fruits of Islam openly without looking back on those whose blood was shed to give us freedom?

Yet, there are those who suffer now in Muslim lands and those who watch their torment on t.v.

And do and say nothing

This is Islam today

Us who are complacent and tired.

Them who fought and lived

The disgrace and shame are the state of our religious convictions.

The despair is to realize each generation draws farther away.

Rasheeda bint George

June 10, 2013